the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
