My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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