its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
