Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
