Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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