I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
