what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
