It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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