he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just blew my weed a kiss
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
