based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize