The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
