just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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