Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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