I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
