Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
