How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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