Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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