Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
