Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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