Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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