? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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