Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
