My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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