I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize