Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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