I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
