Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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