Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
