he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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