he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
