Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
