Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
