So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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