Even the bartender felt bad for me
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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