Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
