oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
