First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
