I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I currently don't understand fingers.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
