epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
