a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
