I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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