Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
