i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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