You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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