Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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