New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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