I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
