doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
