party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
