I just saw a hot homeless man
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
