Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Girls should come with a carfax report
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
