Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
