What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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