the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
