Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
