I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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