I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize