Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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