anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
