turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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