the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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