why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize