mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
