I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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