Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
