and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
