I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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