Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
