Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
