We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
